Article written by Keith Van Sickle, author of the blog Life in Provence.
My wife Val and I live part of the year in Provence, in a town called St-RĂ©my-de-Provence. We had previously spent five years as expats in Switzerland and loved it. We wanted to live in Europe again but couldn’t find another full-time expat assignment, so we decided to start living there part-time instead. We picked Provence as our landing spot because we had visited it often and knew it well.
Living in France definitely sounds romantic. And yes, we love it, but it takes some work, and you definitely learn things that are not in the tourist guidebooks.
Learning the Language
When we lived in Switzerland it was in the French-speaking part, but we worked for American companies where we spoke English. We never learned much French, just enough to shop and go to restaurants and things like that. Which meant we never understood Swiss society at more than a surface level—we couldn’t read the local newspapers or listen to the radio or watch the news.
We decided we wanted a different experience in France, so we dedicated ourselves to learning the language. It was hard but so rewarding! It completely changed our experience from what we had in Switzerland. In France we have made a wonderful circle of French friends, some of our best friends in the world. We joke with the cashier at the grocery store, grumble along with everyone else when the line at the bank moves too slowly, and have even joined the book club in our local library.
Oops!
When you are learning a new language, you sometimes make mistakes. Ok, more than sometimes. We once had a couple and their young children over for dinner, and one of the cheeses we served was a goat cheese with edible ash on it. The husband asked what kind of cheese it was, but I didn’t know how to say “ash” in French. So, I did what often works, I used the English word with a French accent. But when I said chevre avec ash the kids looked up at their parents with eyes very wide.
Flustered, I asked what I had said, and the husband explained that “ash” sounds just like the French word hasch which means hashish. So, the kids thought I was serving marijuana cheese! He then explained that the proper word is cendres, something I for sure will never forget.
The Art of DĂ©bat
One thing we have learned about France is how much they love dĂ©bat. Engaging in discussion, especially when you disagree, is an important part of French culture. And I am always impressed with French people’s ability to disagree, even very strongly, without taking it personally. Whereas Americans usually try to get along and avoid confrontation, the French will often seek it out—it’s more interesting!
Once we had friends over for dinner, back when Edwin Snowden was busy revealing secrets about US spy programs. The hot story that week was that the US had been spying on France. It was on all the news programs and front pages and people were very angry about it.
In the middle of dinner, Val asked brightly, “So what does everyone think of Edward Snowden?” I was afraid she had just launched a grenade and was ready to dive under the table. But instead of an explosion, it led to an energetic discussion with surprising battle lines. Some of our friends were outraged while others defended the US (“Everyone spies on everyone, it’s normal.”) The discussion was passionate and animated, but no one was offended, and then it was time for dessert and we moved on to another subject.
Take Your Time
Another thing we have learned is that if you shop in the smaller local stores, you can’t be in a hurry. We go a local butcher and one time we walked in there and were two customers ahead of us. Val turned to me and said, “Ok, this will take about 45 minutes.”
It can be that long because the butcher will give you all the time you need. He’ll ask what you’re serving, how you’ll cook it, for how many guests. He’ll offer recipes or maybe suggest another cut of meat. If you are a regular, he’ll ask about your family, or your upcoming vacation, or maybe your bunions. It’s very charming and we love it…but when we’re in a hurry we go to the supermarket instead!
Do French People Love Each Other?
One surprising thing I learned recently is that French couples rarely tell each other “I love you.” You would think in France, the land of love, this would be common, but no. Part of it is cultural, the French show their love in other ways and don’t feel the need to say it.
But it is also because of the language—the word for “to love” (aimer) also means “to like,” which can make things confusing. Imagine how awkward it would be to gaze deeply into your lover’s eyes, gently touch her cheek, and softly murmur “I like you.”
Even after nearly 20 years of living part-time in the country, France continues to surprise me!
Keith Van Sickle splits his time between Provence and California. He is the author of the best-sellers One Sip at a Time and An Insider’s Guide to Provence. Read more at Life in Provence.
